I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
