I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
