You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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