literally had 100 drinks last night.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i think i just lost a toe
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
