i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
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