Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
