Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
