Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
