okay pat passed out under dana's car
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
