i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
