I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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