What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
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We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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