Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
