we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
