Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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