dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
