dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
