OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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