Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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