i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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