It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
