I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
