Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize