Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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