I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
