im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
