i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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