when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
