Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your dad touched me again.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
