I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
