The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
