she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
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Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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