Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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