bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
