I will die if light touches me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
