Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Boobs speak an international language.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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