I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
