This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
