im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You are a genius and a whore.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize