I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
