I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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