how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
