My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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