I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just cropdusted the office
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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