We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yo dont text me then not text me
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
