LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
