I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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