Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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