Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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