I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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