I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
