Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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