Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
