remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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