i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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