I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Randomize
