I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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