you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
