Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
