We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
