so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
