I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
