you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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