glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
