I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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