so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
