Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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