Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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