My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
