last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
