I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
