Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
