I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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